


Just a Crush

by ChokolatteJedi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Community: Hump_Day101 HDWC, M/M, Pre - Deathly Hallows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-05
Updated: 2007-02-05
Packaged: 2017-10-14 05:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/145846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/pseuds/ChokolatteJedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was only just a crush...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a Crush

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the hump_day101 challenges, "It was only just a crush" and "angst."
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely My Sweet Koinu

I remember the first moment that I saw him and thought "Draco" instead of "Malfoy." It was near the end of fifth year, and he had just taken away points from Ron, Herm, and me. I thought to myself, "Draco's being more of a berk than usual." And it wasn't until later than night that I even realized that I'd thought it.

I spent about an hour sorting through my mind and my… I don't know, my _feelings_ for Draco. And I came to the conclusion that I liked him. I mean, it was only just a crush, but it was there.

 

And then when we came back for sixth year, he was nastier than ever. I'd gotten into the habit of wandering around at night- no purpose really, just trying not to think- and he would be wandering around too. We ran into each other so many times in the halls late at night and one of us always came away bloody.

Until one night- he was right in my face insulting me and then suddenly we were kissing. I don't even know which of us leaned in first; maybe neither. Maybe both. We pulled apart and I stared at him.

For the first time I actually looked into his eyes. Excitement, fear, and confusion were swirling in his eyes among the flecks of blue, silver, and grey. I felt this urge to kiss him again- to kiss away that fear.

I think he read something of that in my expression, because Draco turned and fled. I stood alone in the hall for a few minutes before I could finally force my body to leave. As I walked back to the Gryffindor dorm, one thought kept echoing in my brain. "It's only just a crush, isn't it'?"

 

And at the end of sixth year- that horrible night on the tower- I saw that fear in his eyes again when he lowered his wand. I fought as hard as I could, but my body just wouldn't move. I'd tried before, but this time I wasn't aiming for Dumbledore. I wanted to draw Draco into my arms and hold him and tell him that we'd be alright.

When I watched Snape drag Draco away into the night, I felt a terrible pressure in my chest. I told myself it was all for Dumbledore. I told myself it had nothing to do with the blonde disappearing into the forest. I told myself it was only just a crush.

 

I knew I would be facing Death Eaters in battle now. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that meant I'd be facing Draco again, but it didn't really hit me until tonight. Tonight when I saw grey eyes behind the mask. We both stopped for a second- maybe three- and I saw more emotions pass through his eyes than I did in our entire time together.

His wand came up, and instinctively mine did too. I mean, we didn't have time to pause. We were in the middle of a battle, he was a Death Eater, and I was the warrior childe of the light. What had happened between us didn't matter now. After all, it was only just a crush.

 

Hours later, I'm sitting in the dark in the middle of what was once a nice wooded park near Diagon Alley. There are bodies all around us, but no one has come to investigate the disturbance yet. We're alone.

I don't know how long I've been holding his body in my lap.

I don't know when I ran out of tears.

The only thing I know for certain - it was never just a crush.


End file.
